.(continued from part 1)
.I think one of the most powerful unspoken aspects of misogyny is that it encourages men to think of the vagina as a liar, and the holder of the vagina as a liar. The world thinks the vagina is untrustworthy.
.The erection is assumed trustworthy, maybe because one of the things it often does is get hard and goes in. It gives the impression that it is acting upon its desire.
.If someone is fucking it is assumed they are doing so because they want to fuck.
.If someone is getting fucked it is questionable as to whether or not they chose to be fucked. Perhaps the vagina can be deemed untrustworthy for setting the reliable action of the erection into motion, yet occasionally failing to complete the trajectory.
.Unspoken, like the air we breathe, is how our cultural understanding laminates the “doer” with masculinity, while the “done to” is laminated into the feminine.
.The vagina is understood as a liar, or a sometimes liar. Cosby proudly shared with a court that he often suggested women take a Quaalude to “come into their bodies.” He asked one woman who was unsure whether she consented whether she “told her mom she had an orgasm”, as if her orgasm was her consent. Does your mother know you’re a whore, he asked, shaming her for pleasure that she hadn’t planned for, shaming her for the way he was able use his drugs to annex her body, by "allowing" her body to receive.
.I wonder if some mens' fascination with idea of making someone allow something inside of them could be described by a female Freud as "vagina envy".
.I wonder if we are expected to vigilantly guard this entrance, and sometimes we don’t, for example, when we swallow a pill or a drink or two, or wear something, or forget to wear something, or leave the house. Perhaps we get punished for not safeguarding the entrance to our one and only monthly egg, which is not considered our property, but rather society’s. Our value is not ours. Being a slut is like being a bad mother.
.We are expected to guard this Once a Month, in Time with the Tides, Moon-shaped biology, cherished so much more than sperm, which arrives in such surplus that it can be spent or spilled in not only in intercourse, involving consent, but also, in jerkoffs, in jerkoffs on unsuspecting faces, places, passed out girls, awake girls, hands, Kleenexes, down the shower drain, porn waste, a day’s waste.
.The female half of the conception handshake doesn’t spill, it doesn’t get wasted. It surfs out in a tide of blood. It tells time.
.Every few days there is a story in the news. The senior salute, or the football team, it is almost always a boy who said it was consensual, a girl who said it was not. When will we finally begin to look at the He Said/She Said dynamic not to decide whether He or She is telling the truth – which seems to be the subject in courts of law and public opinion -- but rather, for its form:
.If this were a syllogism, a philosophical proof, we would look at the pieces:
.He always proceeds She. It is never (or rarely) She Said/She Said. Nor He Said/He Said.
.In the same way Ta-Nahesi Coates writes how Blackness was invented, named, written into the story and plot of a nation for the purpose of inventing a whiteness that confers a “better than” -– same can be said of what Maleness gets from naming Femaleness.
.Naming Femaleness as Other occurs everywhere much like air. It is in stories and book and culture, in movies, in homes and churches and law.
.As we move into the doing to or done to, the going in or receiving, we often come to another crossroad: the question of whether or not one should hold the ability or right to continue discerning while receiving. Can we say no, halfway through? Is there a hatred on the part of many men for the immense vulnerability of an unfolding reality -- such that the first Yes absolutely dissolves any future Nos?
.What about “I changed my mind,” “Stop, that hurts”, “Not in my ass, actually”, or “Don’t do that, do this instead”?
.page 1 | page 2 | page 3