Sometimes a person just needs a place to pee! No one knows that better than trans entertainer-activists Rocco Kayiatos and Mariana Mar. The duo reclaim public restrooms as gender neutral while cracking wise (and wisely) about the issues surrounding today’s controversial bathroom politics.
THIS IS ME: From the Bathroom
CHATTER
Also, please… #captionthis because #transANDdeaf thanks
I don’t think you have any reason to feel like an ass. Feel bad that the first floor stall is out of order and their transness makes them have to walk further, sure. But if they’d gotten to the area they would have had to make a choice anyways. You did a good thing by informing them in advance of the choice that lay ahead and an even better thing by not telling them it was ahead to the left. And thereby deciding for them which bathroom you thought they belonged in. The fact that your building has a gender neutral bathroom is gold. Explaining that if they’re willing and able to walk the distance there is a gender neutral bathroom on the second floor but the first floor is out of order would make you seem super trans savvy and considerate of people with kids and gnc and trans people. They would see you instantly as an ally. The downside is that if they’re super binary and baby trans with all the feelings, they’re likely going to read into that as you know they’re not a real boy/girl. And that can be hard. Unfortunately for us binary folks the real inclusive answers tend to be what’s best for the gnc folks because that really is what’s best for everyone. Something like being asked your preferred pronouns can be really devastating when you’re a baby binary trans. We don’t need a different set of rules for binary trans. I just don’t want to say this is what you should do without tagging on that some trans people may feel outed and seen and may not react happy and excited that you’ve recognized their otherness. Stick to what you did, maybe take something from what I said above but don’t have a self hate session if someone seems upset by your excellent description. Overall I think you did just fine.
Point and smile. The less friction the better. I’m gender non conforming myself. Public bathrooms are hard. they just are. We all know it. You didn’t invent the issue. I often take an escort in with me to set others at ease. There’s no right or wrong way to move here. It’s as hard to get a hold of as fluid.
If the bathrooms are down the same hall, you can just point in the direction of the hall and say, “bathrooms are down that hall.”
If they are in different directions, such as men’s is in the back and women’s in the front, you did the only thing you could. Point out both.
Realistically, it’s probably going to be a while until every bathroom in the land is a real gender neutral bathroom (a single toilet with its own sink). In some places, that will take some construction.
But look on the bright side of all the stupid bathroom bills being floated around. Who is going to enforce them? Overworked local law enforcement? Store/building management?
A new career of restroom professionals, who can also keep the restroom clean when they’re not patrolling? When this expense is seriously considered, gender neutral bathrooms become the least expensive choice.
So, in the long term, gender neutral restrooms are probably the flush of the future! 😉
But to paraphrase the commercial, what are you gonna do now?
Would love to share this with my Deaf/HoH friends and partners. Are you able to add in captions for this?
Hey Friend. Good question. It might get more responses if we shared it on the Wifey Facebook page. Would you be comfortable with that?
I’d love to know from someone of the transgender community how I could have handled the following situation better:
A person who was gender non-conforming (not clear or obvious how they identified) asked me at my job where the restroom was. Our nearest gender neutral single stall bathroom was out of order. I stated that they were down the hall, men’s on the right, women’s on the left. Something in their face told me that I made them uncomfortable and I instantly regretted my phrasing. I could have said down the hall to the left and the right. I could have pointed out our second floor gender neutral bathroom. I felt like an ass. I felt like I was pointing out, “HEY! MAKE YOUR CHOICE! ONE OR THE OTHER!” and I didn’t mean to do that.
I’m wondering for those who are genderqueer, non-conforming, or in the process of transitioning… how could I have handled that better? Are there situations where you wish someone would have answered that kind of question differently? How would you have liked that situation handled?
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